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One night in Sydney, I was a little taken by a year-old woman in a gay bar. She was a chatty and congenial Aussie, with a distinctive no-bullshit edge.

There are too many of those in Sydney… and Cape Town… and New York City… and pretty much everywhere with thriving gay nightlife! She was definitely my kind of girl. And as it turned out, I was her kind of guy. One of the first things she told me was how attractive she finds black men. As I mentioned, we were in a gay bar. She had absolutely no ulterior motive and no shot with me.

She was just making conversation, and she was doing most of the heavy lifting, so I let her flex her stuff. Actually, I find them more attractive than white people. I also like white men. I find them beautiful, too. But I just find black people to be better looking. The men are just hotter. She must have read my mind when she made the disclaimer about finding white men attractive, too. I hate any kind of exclusive or discriminatory thinking when it comes to race and sex, even when it works in my favor.

I have no problem with racial preferences. But in reality as well as on TV and in movies, the highest-profile interracial couples have been white women with black men. I have a theory about white women and black men, and it goes a little something like this.

However, once their curiosity is satisfied, their long-term behavior is probably less likely to be racially motivated. And I realize there are always exceptions. One can probably say the same thing about gay black men who date white men. Again, this is not a blanket theory. I once presented this idea to a friend a white guy who dates black men exclusively , and he had an intriguing response. He said it probably has to do with the male emphasis on the physical.

Men are driven primarily by physical attraction when choosing a partner, while with women, other factors can play just as vital a role. I knew the woman I was talking to probably never would have been having this conversation with a white person. Clearly I was first and foremost a black man to her… a gay black man.

But this was not a pick-up, so I let her continue. She started to tell me about the guy she lost her virginity to 20 years earlier. He was black, and they remained great friends. Now here is where our interaction started to venture off the rails. She pulled out her phone and began clicking through photos. She wanted me to see him. Once she found the photo she was looking for, she was on a roll.

She showed me a succession of recent pictures of her thenish first-timer posing outside shirtless because, well, why not? She looked at me expectantly. Clearly she wanted to know what I thought… or more accurately, she wanted my approval… or my respect… or something.

Maybe she wanted me to know that she had done well. Not only did she love black men, but she could pull in the cream of the chocolate crop, one who had barely aged. I was neither impressed nor unimpressed. So I said nothing.

I leaned in to hear more. Sign in Get started.

Marrying Black Girls For Guys Who Aren’t Black | Hagen's House

Write a customer review. There was a problem filtering reviews right now. Please try again later. They always have excellent choices of books. This book is really a page turner. I feel that every person that is interested in AA studies needs this in their life!

This should be mandatory reading for all marginalized academics. This is a must for any academic. One person found this helpful. Very detailed historical collection! Necessary nourishment for the black female scholar's soul. This is a seminal novel in the field of Black Women's Studies, and although it was written about a decade ago it is still relevant.

If you are a reader who is new to the field, and is striving to better understand Black Women's Studies and its founding principles, as well as the factors that lead to its development, then this book is for you. Portrait of a Friendship: Why did our call for papers not yield at least one essay on teaching about Black women?

Why do contributors and possible contributors fail to meet deadlines? Why are people reluctant to send so innocuous a piece as a syllabus for inclusion in the book? The answers appear in many forms.

One woman admitted that the death of feminist energy in her article was caused by her having been recently traumatized by a well-known Black male critic who consistently made misogynistic statements about Black women writers and about the women in a seminar of which she was a part. We hope that this one volume on Black women helps to create a climate where succeeding works on American Indian, Asian American, and Latina women can more swiftly come into being.

To give you an idea of some of the richness contained herein, here are a few quotations: A Black friend of mine was fired by a Black news service because she was pregnant.

When she proposed doing an article on this for Ms. Our situation as Black people necessitates that we have solidarity about the fact of race, which white women of course do not need to have with white men, unless it is their negative solidarity as racial oppressors.

We struggle together with Black men against racism, while we also struggle with Black men about sexism. January 26, at 6: Great article, love its honesty especially the admitting that we are all racist and it gives me an idea that at least in your relatioship with your wife, no one feels patronised. January 26, at 9: Clay, funny you should say that!

This piece was originally commissioned by Mahala. And they've just asked me to interview my babe for a follow-up on exactly the topic you've suggested. Look out for it soonish! April 26, at 4: January 27, at I actually heard about your blog on Metro fm- Glen and Unathi.

Never laughed so hard at reality, nxa stuff bhaba,. February 3, at I could go on! Beyonce could sneak her way into a playlist though! February 11, at 6: March 19, at 4: I know I am late with my response but as a black woman dating a white man I bow down to you for hitting the nail on the head!!!

March 25, at 7: I wanna hang out with this dude,I'll share my point of view of dating white girls as a black man: A 5min radio show will be awesome.

June 9, at 5: As a black non south african woman, I 'll admit a lot of the foods you mentioned and bands are not familiar but your writing is so hilarious i laughed out loud anyway. The diana ross imagery was so right! July 12, at 4: August 17, at That was a great read man.

Am loughing my head off reading this stuff. Now try some morogo and some mopani worms. August 30, at 6: September 1, at 9: October 23, at Thanks for a fab read, we are all waiting patiently for your wife's perspective on guys who arent black. November 26, at 1: We need preparation too lol. December 7, at 7: This was really funny! And 11 hours is not an exaggeration, i would know. Thanks for writing this humorous, light and fun piece.

April 16, at 6: April 17, at 5: As always, thank you guys so much for the feedback. There is now a book in the works based on this article, and the piece is far and away the most popular on the blog. At the moment it has been viewed more than 10 times. July 16, at 8: Wow could not stop laughing while reading this. I'm like 22 and married and my husband happens to be white, I'm sure he would so agree with you and your point not all but most of them.

A very interesting read indeed. July 17, at 8: September 4, at 9: D, Well, not that i was avoiding shocking him with different ones, i just prefer it this way. Good blog man, i love it! September 5, at 8: Glad you like it, Eulenda. You are also the first poster to the new WordPress iteration of this blog. Thanks for popping in, and look at for my new book — based on this very blog post. October 11, at 3: October 14, at 5: November 17, at 7: October 16, at 9: Thanks for such a light humored description of life with a Black woman.

October 30, at 8: October 17, at 6: I have been dating a beautiful black lady for about three years now. We are very much in love and will be marrying shortly. It takes a bit of getting used to, especially where she has 27 uncles and I have none, so the lobola could be tricky. We both livr in Pietermaritzburg so we do get awkward looks from on a daily basis. Some of her lady friends are now getting jealous and also wanting to get hold og a white guy.

November 7, at 8: I laughed so much when you mentioned the part about starring into space when she is around her friends as well as family.

Congratulations on the publication of the book. November 12, at November 7, at Love this, cant wait to get my hands on the book. November 15, at 9: Came across your clip on power fm with Azania and I was like great I must get this book.

Never been with one. You will find me actually admiring a white male then I have to scold myself for betraying my affirmative action principles. November 16, at November 17, at 9: November 17, at 1: I am a black South African woman dating a man from Serbia, and I know that my man will have to deal with some of the culture differences when he meets my friends and family — I felt the exact same thing when I was in Serbia visiting him.

The hair thing is the biggest thing — I have had there hairstyles since September, but he seems to love it. Think I will send him the link to this article, or better yet, buy him the book for Christmas. Thanks for the honesty — I am such a racist too! November 18, at 4: Kak Funny in parts. November 18, at 7: November 18, at 8: I loved this blog, totally funny. I will be sure to get your book, need a good laugh.

November 18, at 9: November 19, at 3: Marrying a black girl: November 19, at Haha, this is a awesome blog. November 19, at 1: November 20, at 6: As a foreigner Nigerian who has lived, schooled and worked in South Africa going on 11 Years… I can relate. The shock with the new hair is something I have had to deal with quite a few time. November 20, at 8: What is your wordpress address?

Also, do you have a hot brother? November 20, at Hagen U so rock its not funny…. Funny,lighthearted but very true. November 20, at 2: November 20, at 3: November 20, at 4: You think saying you are racist is cool. And people think your blog is cool. I have something to add to list being a African girl… please have your IQ tested before your ass shows up because I would never date a man whose IQ is as low as ….

And blogging is not your purpose in life. Your blogging needs to add value…. Educate yourself, improve yourself, leave the world better place than you found it. Otherwise your articles just show what kind of human being you are. OR is your niche market uneducated white men? Julia December 3, at 3: Shay Green March 3, at 9: Debbie Williams March 6, at 2: Billy April 16, at 5: R Velocity July 8, at 1: Lu January 9, at 5: NONO January 12, at John July 11, at 3: Kim July 27, at Queenafrik December 28, at 9: Cyndy Bowman May 3, at Georgia July 13, at 6: Truth July 22, at 1: Brooke November 22, at 8: Billie holmes July 20, at 4: Yes and Chrissy Tegan and Mariah Carey are not white either!!!

Mariah has a black daddy. Kasia Cooper September 27, at 8: Halle berry and mariha Carey Identify themselves as african Americans. Gavin December 11, at 6: Wolfman December 4, at 1: Mary Dunn July 15, at Jake lees August 26, at 7: Shan December 12, at TVJ July 29, at 1: Your wife sounds amazing! Merc July 29, at 2: Shannon Lee August 22, at 7: Robert February 3, at 2: Margaret Darby August 28, at 5: Tanisha September 16, at Karl October 11, at 3: Tel January 26, at Cyndy January 27, at 7: Liv August 16, at 4: LaKisha Moore July 26, at 9: Millie January 11, at 6: Kailee July 29, at Kevin August 27, at 6: Sandra October 12, at 9: T November 30, at 8: Thanks for admitting that.

Most white men are undercover black woman or man lovers. Alma March 30, at 4: Rita Lovejoy August 16, at 2: Tiffany January 19, at 5: Des June 4, at 1: Wow where do u come from get real can u handel real woman i dnt think so proof me wrong. Amanda Rawnsley August 29, at 6: Frela September 17, at 3: Kristy September 17, at There a beautiful butts and then there are butts!!! Lenny Jones September 20, at John July 11, at 1: Natasha September 21, at 1: Kay September 21, at 2: Gerry Moore September 22, at 2: Jessyann October 10, at 1: I am a proud white woman and i feel the same way about white men..

Sindy May 16, at 5: Sandra October 12, at 8: Janice October 13, at 4: Lisa November 8, at 1: Whew…that saves a lot of sistas from having to turn your raciest ass down.

Allis November 10, at 3: You have my vote on that. I also do not believe in mixing races. BloggerGirl December 1, at 5: Wolfman December 3, at 2: Patricia February 7, at Veronica February 21, at 9: Jake lees August 26, at 8: Renee March 3, at 4: John July 11, at 2: Liv August 16, at 3: So Much Hate January 18, at PlanetCharnBaby March 3, at 8: Ei March 23, at 9: Kelly Smith March 30, at 3: Deb April 12, at Pam Brown April 15, at 3: Melanin April 18, at Opium April 23, at 2: Ac May 14, at 8: I think you just might be doing all jungle bunnies a favor!!!!!!!!

Don't you wish you knew June 21, at 3: Toy June 27, at 5: Alice July 1, at 3: DarknLovely July 2, at 1: AndersonO'Donovan July 2, at 6: Truth July 6, at 1: Kardashians are the worst example you could come up with…. Sarah Silas July 6, at 7: Tracey Jones July 8, at 1: Brendan newly July 15, at Rick Mass July 18, at 3: Minnie Mouse July 18, at 3: Dax Derringer July 18, at 4: I could never marry a white man with a little dick and small brain.

Nikia July 20, at 4: Judy July 20, at Joshua July 21, at 2: Blackisbeautiful July 21, at 9: Mature Senior July 22, at 1: Maggie July 27, at 4: Anthony July 27, at 2: Bret Lawrence September 27, at 8: The Invisible Man September 29, at 7: Kiara October 2, at 3: Lovely Lady October 24, at Tony Bester November 4, at 3: John barre November 7, at Rest assured your children will irs called karma and theres nothing you can do about it.

E November 7, at Kendollll November 20, at Casper December 30, at You sure sound like a jew race hate instigator. An actual white man brings data to debates. Dee January 5, at 3: Cutie Pie January 6, at PhillyTone January 17, at Melene January 19, at 7: Brandon Bell February 5, at 6: Adam Stringer February 15, at 2: Chriz February 28, at 1: And thats ok because thats the ONLY people who would probally want you.

Bunnie March 13, at 4: Continue your liquid dreams about Black girls! Nya April 19, at 9: Charles Volcher is Transgender April 29, at 8: Charles, You are a proud racist, and probably over 50 by your vernacular!!

Gloria spann January 24, at Rocky September 21, at 6: CUZO January 7, at Anon September 21, at 6: Patricia Rodriguez July 27, at 3: Some of the spouses are Latinos not African American,get your facts straight. Til July 28, at Everyone Can Eat July 28, at Helen July 29, at 2: Stickler-Bunni July 29, at 3:

10 women of colour share their experiences with interracial dating "I'm black and I've dated white guys in the past and I haven't had a super and interracial relationships were so common that no one really blinked at us. No need to discuss the shipping costs from America to the UK). The number of dating sites matching white men with black women seems. She was a chatty and congenial Aussie, with a distinctive no-bullshit edge. I once presented this idea to a friend (a white guy who dates black.