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Before we commence with the festivities, I wanted to thank everyone for helping my first book become a Wall Street Journal bestseller. To check it out, click here. When you were a kid it was a lot easier. In college you almost had to be trying not to make friends.
You get busy with work. Your friends get busy with work. In most people said they had 3 close friends. In the most common number was zero. The same survey was given again in This time the most common number of friends was zero. And only 37 percent of respondents listed three or more friends. Back in , only 10 percent indicated that they had zero confidants.
In , this number skyrocketed to 25 percent. One out of every four of us is walking around with no one to share our lives with. Nobody would dispute that. When people are dying, what do they regret the most? Coming in at 4 is: Julianne Holt-Lunstad did a meta-analysis of social support and health outcomes and found that not having enough friends or having a weak social circle is the same risk factor as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
Maybe your grandparents lived to and you take good care of yourself. But if you want those years to be full of smiles, you need to invest in friendship. Contrary to the belief that happiness is hard to explain, or that it depends on having great wealth, researchers have identified the core factors in a happy life.
The primary components are number of friends, closeness of friends, closeness of family, and relationships with co-workers and neighbors. Maybe you have lots of friends. A study by a Dutch sociologist who tracked about a thousand people of all ages found that on average, we lose half of our close network members every seven years.
To learn more about the science of a successful life, check out my bestselling book here. So what do we do? No, going back to college is not the answer. How do we make new friends as adults? Go to Facebook or LinkedIn for ideas and then send some texts.
You already have more friends. Next time you get together, see if that new person can come along. To learn how to deal with a narcissist, click here. But maybe this feels a little awkward. Maybe your friendship muscles have atrophied. Clicking with people is a lot less about you and a lot more about focusing on them. And what are the best ways to do that? And mountains of research show similarity is critical.
So when they mention something you have in common, point it out. Finally, celebrate the positive. When someone talks about the good things in their life, be enthusiastic and encouraging. To learn more about how to be someone people love to talk to, click here. But how do you get close to these new people?
Open up a bit. Nobody becomes besties by only discussing the weather. Close friends are what leads to personal discussions. The Magic of Instant Connections:. Other people tend to react by being more open and vulnerable themselves. The fact that both of you are letting down your guard helps to lay the groundwork for a faster, closer personal connection. And this leads to good friendships:.
They had less conflict with the friend and less frustration with the relationship. The Psychology of Engagement with Everyday Life:. To learn the lazy way to an awesome life, click here. Daniel Hruschka reviewed studies on the causes of conflict in friendship and found that the most common friendship fights boil down to time commitments. Spending time with someone is a sure indicator that you value him; no one likes to feel undervalued.
You need to keep in touch. Research says at least every two weeks. To learn the four rituals neuroscience says will make you happy, click here. So even if you need to set a reminder on your calendar, check in every two weeks. Denmark has the happiest people in the world. Why are Danes so happy?
To avoid loneliness, we must seek active social lives, maintain friendships, and enjoy stable relationships. A monthly sewing circle. And who does everyone have to thank for this?
And make the effort to keep that group solid for everyone. Many studies show older people are happier. They prune the jerks out of their social circles:. Other studies have discovered that as people age, they seek out situations that will lift their moods — for instance, pruning social circles of friends or acquaintances who might bring them down. To learn the 6 rituals ancient wisdom says will make you happy, click here.
Reach out to your good friends and tell them how much they mean to you. Be more giving to the friends you already have. We need to cherish our friendships more. Time to start doing. Reach out to a friend right now. Celebrate their good news. Offer to help them out with something. Join over , readers. That the only thing that really matters in life are your relationships to other people. Listen, Seek Similarity, and Celebrate. The Magic of Instant Connections: And this leads to good friendships: How many close friends do you need?
If we go by the science, you want to aim for at least five. The Psychology of Engagement with Everyday Life: So you have new friends. Now how do you not screw this up? They prune the jerks out of their social circles: The new starts with the old: Touch base with old friends and leverage your superconnectors.
Listen, seek similarity and celebrate: Check in every two weeks, minimum. Things that are habits get done. So start a group habit.
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Happy hoildays,and the great of season. Any older women looking to hang out late night. If this scenario sounds interesting to you.