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Posts that do not follow the posting guidelines in the FAQ will be automatically removed. Achievement posts and updates are not allowed. Feel free to share these in the Daily Sexual Achievement threads that are provided by the mods. Fap material is not allowed. This includes sexist and rape jokes. Joking or not, asking for pictures, hitting on people, etc, are not welcome here. Additionally, posts asking for any kind of PMs will be removed. In addition, promotion of or references to sex-negative communities, whether located on Reddit or elsewhere, are not allowed.
No pictures of genitals are allowed. If you need to post a picture, you should be going to a doctor. Topics covered by the FAQ and in countless threads already will be removed, as will posts that do not follow the guidelines in the FAQ. More details on the community rules can be found here. Told my wife she could explore her sexual fantasies, regretting it now. Hello, I am a 38 years old man married to a woman my age.
Until some years ago, we had a wonderful marriage and everything was going pretty well, until she stopped taking her anti depressants. You see, she narrowly escaped a rape attempt that made her feel suicidal back when she was 21 years old, she visited doctors who put her on "happy pills" and she did take them religiously until 4 years ago. When she stop her personality took a drastic change. Back when I got to know her, she was already under the pills, so I never knew what she was off of them, but in her own words "When the medicine left my system, I was basically back at being 21 years old again.
I could not relate to you, I could not relate to the kids, I wanted to run away and go back being the crazy wild girl I was, but I'd feel too much guilt towards you and the kids. I was floored, nevertheless we pulled through and another doctor diagnosed her with a chemical imbalance in the brain and gave her pills to correct that. With a bit of time, she returned back to be the woman I married. Now, one of the pleasant side effects of her stopping the happy pill was that her libido dramatically increased, she used to only want sex to get pregnant, now she just wanted a lot of sex for the fun of it, I was happy to oblige.
This brings us to before this summer when, she opened herself up and confided to me that she's sexually submissive, loves to be tied up, spanked, forced to satisfy your desires and whatnot. This was totally unexpected by me but I warmed up to that and a bit at time, we introduced those kinks in our "bedroom life".
She had confided me also that one of her biggest fantasies, if not the biggest of them all, was to take part in a gangbang where she was dominated and roughly used by the participants. I took myself one month to think about it and after considering all what she had been through in her life and how she struggled to find who she was I told her she was free to explore this fantasy, I just didn't want to know anything about it.
So she went looking for a sex club on the internet, found one and got in touch with the club staff to arrange a gangbang. Everything said and done, what was a fantasy now it's something that is pretty real and taking place 2 weeks from now.
When she informed me about the date a few days ago, I must admit, despite thinking I was doing well at handling it, I felt my heart jump into my throat and a sense of nausea pervading me.
Reason I was informed being I will drive her to the club which is fairly away and she has no driver license. I won't be with her inside the club, and she told me that whilst she's getting Gangbanged, she won't mind if I went somewhere to have sex with someone else myself.
I suppose she said that to put the both of us on the "same level" but I am really not interested in doing that, I am quite happy with her. Well, since then my libido has basically plummeted, as every time we get intimate, In my mind I have flashes of what will happen at the club which make me go hopelessly soft, despite being physically attracted very much to her.
I wish I never told her that she was free to pursue it, I even took roughly a month to think about it and trust me back then I thought it was really something I could cope with, I really did hell, I took a lot of time to think about it. I thought that by just refusing to acknowledge the little details, I'll be able to put that behind me, now that we are almost there, I am realizing I am not able to do this.
If I am feeling like this before it happens, I wonder if I will still be able to look at her in the face after it, and what my feelings will be for her. She told me that the guys will just be human dildos for her pleasure, but that doesn't make it any better for me. I am afraid that this might well kill my attraction for her. Please don't go through with this. Talk to her about delaying this.
Get her to call the sex club and postpone the event. There is nothing wrong with doing that. One month of trying to figure this out on your own is NOT enough time to process this and work through all the issues. You seriously need to go to a sex therapist together to help you both unpack everything that's going on and to make sure both of you are truly prepared to go through with this.
If you go through with it now, there could be some serious detrimental consequences to your marriage. Yes seriously you need to cancel this, you're clearly not ready for it. Don't do this if you're not ready there's too much risk of lots of pain. I can't emphasize the quality of this advice forcefully enough.
You're making a huge leap that it sounds like you aren't ready for. Your wife may be disappointed, but I hope she'll prioritize your relationship first and help you work up to it. There is no gray area or just dipping your toe in to test the water. There will never be any satisfactory way for you to deal with her going through with it if you let it happen. Listen to Maxxters, you don't have to go through with this. You have the power to tell her no.
If you allow this to happen your marriage will fall apart right before your eyes. I also think you should talk to your wife, say "look, I'm looking at my emotions and I can't handle this, at least not yet, we need to stop this for now and work on our relationship more.
It's OK to say, "I changed my mind. It's been hard on you both and you deserve some serious props for putting up with her mental imbalance stuff so does she. Stop it before it ruins your relationship. Please tell her no. You may think you're being supportive by letting her do this, but think about how devastated you'll both be if you start to resent her and your marriage is destroyed.
If she loves you and cares about you which it sounds like she does, from what we know of the story , she won't want to do this if it's going to hurt you. Dear god, please communicate with her. I think she is actively trying to keep him informed just so that he can put on the brakes if he needs to.
It sounds like he actually gave her permission to just do it without this level of communication so I think she is doing her best to handle this correctly even in the face of having been given an effective "blank check" by him.
I hope he uses this opportunity to discuss this with her and develop a new strategy that won't cause a rift for them.
He can ask her to not do this gangbang but to find out if they could go to the clubs to be only observers of someone else do one. It may be that that visual input will be enough for her to get off in the way she wants with only him but it could also be the case that after some experience seeing these kind of events in a nonthreatening way he will have a much better idea of whether he can be okay with this or if they need to call it off indefinitely.
Maybe they could even do some babysteps in that community with clear guidelines for ending actions if things become too much. It seems like he is really starting off in the deep end here when there are so many options on the shallow end of the pool that they can explore monogamously for the time being. A gangbang is a huge leap to make from monogamy, I would actually think most couples would not start their open marriages there. So yes he needs to stop this specific activity but then they can still explore some options for dipping their toes into the kink community if he thinks he could be comfortable with that.
My only point was that by being silent, she'll have no idea that he's uncomfortable with their current arrangement. He may even be comfortable with it at some point in the future.
All I'm saying is that it's pretty obvious that any commitment to her kink that's this serious - at least for the time being - could do some significant damage to their relationship.
You're absolutely right, though, and I could definitely see this having a happy ending if they approach it in a healthy way like the one you've described here. Bringing other people into a relationship for sexual purposes doesn't fix problems, it exposes them. And if both people aren't on board with it, or if there's even a hint of jealously and mistrust, things will end badly. She offered me to go with her at the club, but I can't stomach the thought of having sex with her along with others or watching her, which is why I declined her invitation and what back then made me decide that ignoring absoluting everything about this would have made me able to cope with this.
The suggestion about offering her something in exchange for pulling her out of this, is nice but there's simply nothing that will do for her, bar another gangbang. We already use a dildo during sexual relationship, to stimulate whatever orifice I am not inside, but she wants to feel the real thing taking her.
So basically the only thing I could offer, would be another GB, which brings me back to square 1. What I am afraid of is that whereas now 2 weeks early, I don't feel attracted by her anymore because I costantly have images of my mind of what's gonna happen in 2 weeks, I imagine I will be feeling even shittier afterwards. I am not afraid that she will get addicted to it, nor that she will leave the house to go on a gangbang tour, I just can't stomach the idea of her having sex with others.
I know it works great for some people but everyone has its limits. We spoke and I told her how I am feeling about this whole ordeal, and she said that while she understand it, the anti depressants keep her real self repressed for years and now she really wants to be what she is, and she won't apologize for being who she is. She wants to feel multiple men taking her and pleasing themselves with her body and assured me once again that it will be just a purely sexual meeting, without any strings attached.
But that's not the point for me as I outlined above. I told her it's the thought of her having sex with others I can't cope with and she said that by now "her heart was set on getting gangbanged" quoted straight from her and she understands that this might have repercussions on our marriage, but at this point, suddenly forbidding her to go, would have aswell.
I am flabbergasted to say the least and it looks like in the upcoming days I'll have to take some important decisions regarding our relationship and marriage altogether. I think you need to put your foot down and say this isn't happening. To effectively tell you shes decided and shes not stopping this is to me, a total lack of respect and a sign of no consideration for you, and it's all about her. There sounds to me alot more going on here than meets the eye, you need to sit down with her and basically talk this down to a resolution, Your in a position where if this happens your emotionally and mentally hurt, she either doesn't understand or care, if she doesn't understand explain it if the shoe was on the other foot, how would she feel if you kept sleeping with other women?
She does this, then you leave with a divorce, by what I've read if this happens then it's pretty much over any ways. Shes seeing this as a sexual only thing, but this has much more meaning to you and she needs to understand that she does this then she looses you. Thats what i'd do, but having your heart set on a gangbang being more important than your partner?
No way my GF means everything to me and Id never do something so cruel to hurt her, regardless of my need to satisfy some fetish.
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Rather than attacking, grilling or blaming him, share your struggles with him. Tell him that you are wondering if there is something wrong with you that is causing him not to want you. Be vulnerable and let him see what you are feeling — whether that is your insecurity, feeling unfeminine or even ugly. Even if you suspect that it is more a problem on his end rather than a problem with you, approach it sensitively.
That is a great suggestion. Realize that this is an extremely difficult thing for a man to talk about. He may feel embarrassed, insecure, humiliated, or guilty — especially if he is living a lie. Coming at him with guns blazing will only push him further away, so be gentle in your approach.
I would ask him how you should interpret his lack of interest. Ask him what you can do to help him re-engage sexually. Maybe he knows exactly what the problem is, or perhaps you will have to work through it together to discover what lies at the root.
The best thing you can do is approach it as a team. He cannot be made to feel like this is all his problem to solve on his own. He needs to know that you are on the same side.
So share with him your needs and your desires — how you would like things to be. Then work together to get there. Support him throughout the process as he works through his fears and insecurity. Remind him of your love and your desire to grow in your intimacy — emotionally, physically and spiritually.
And even though you might not be able to fully relate to his perspective, work hard to genuinely understand where he is coming from. But that is tough to do if you discover that pornography or other illegitimate behaviors are part of the picture.
Yes, that is very true. But if you do suspect that this is a factor, you are going to ask him the tough questions about where he is having his sexual needs met. And as hard as it will be, if your husband has the courage to open up with you and share his struggles in this area, he will need your support. These issues can be worked through and overcome, but not without a great deal of patience and understanding.
It is also important to find out if there is anything that you have been doing to contribute to the problem. It may be that you have a critical spirit, that you have been controlling him or cutting him down, or that you are making him feel less of a man. If so, these are behaviors that you can take responsibility for and begin to change, in order to improve the situation between you. If a man is feeling constantly criticized or dominated, it creates big damage to his self-worth, and that filters down to his sexual interest.
So find out what issues may be coming between you and take positive steps to resolve them. You might even read some marriage and sexuality resources to help you through this process. Sheet Music , by Dr. Finally, make sure you are taking care of yourself.
Do you feel good about how you look? A failure to take care of yourself can put extra strain on him. Remember the woman that he married? Keep yourself looking your best and you will feel better, regardless of his response. Keep in mind some very wise advice from the Bible: Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.
While I would not necessarily recommend preaching at your husband, every couple needs to remember that depriving or denying each other increases the temptation to have sexual needs met elsewhere. Again, it never legitimizes it. But a wise person will work to keep their spouse satisfied within the marriage.
Your are not alone. Read Juliet's story — Sexless Marriage: Need hope and encouragement about your relationship? You don't have to face this alone. Just fill out the form in the "Connect" tab below.