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D o you want to know why women have sex with men with tiny little feet? I am stroking a book called Why Women Have Sex. It is by Cindy Meston, a clinical psychologist, and David Buss, an evolutionary psychologist. It is a very thick, bulging book. I've never really wondered Why Women Have Sex. But after years of not asking the question, the answer is splayed before me. Meston and Buss have interviewed 1, women from all over the world about their sexual motivation, and in doing so they have identified different reasons why women have sex.
And what are they? From the reams of confessions, it emerges that women have sex for physical, emotional and material reasons; to boost their self-esteem, to keep their lovers, or because they are raped or coerced.
That's just a song. We are among the bad apes now. Why, I ask Meston, have people never really talked about this? Alfred Kinsey, the "father" of sexology, asked 7, people about their sexual histories in the s and 50s; Masters and Johnson observed people having orgasms for most of the 60s.
But they never asked why. Nobody has really talked about how women can use sex for all sorts of resources. To make themselves feel good. To make their partners feel bad. Using sex to get rid of him or to make him jealous. I turn to the book. I am slightly afraid of it. Who wants to have their romantic fantasies reduced to evolutional processes?
The first question asked is: Or, as the book puts it: We are, apparently, scrabbling around for what biologists call "genetic benefits" and "resource benefits". Genetic benefits are the genes that produce healthy children. Resource benefits are the things that help us protect our healthy children, which is why women sometimes like men with big houses.
Jane Eyre, I think, can be read as a love letter to a big house. So Why Women Have Sex is partly a primer for decoding personal ads. Tall, symmetrical face, cartoonish V-shaped body? I have good genes for your brats. Affluent, GSOH — if too fond of acronyms — and kind? I have resource benefits for your brats. I knew this already; that is how Bill Clinton got sex, despite his astonishing resemblance to a moving potato.
It also explains why Vladimir Putin has become a sex god and poses topless with his fishing rod. Then I learn why women marry accountants; it's a trade-off.
Meston and Buss call them "risk-taking, womanising 'bad boys'". So, women might use sex to bag a less dazzling but more faithful mate. He will have fewer genetic benefits but more resource benefits that he will make available, because he will not run away. This explains why women marry accountants. Accountants stick around — and sometimes they have tiny little feet! And so to the main reason women have sex.
The idol of "women do it for love, and men for joy" lies broken on the rug like a mutilated sex toy: Meston and Buss garnish this revelation with so much amazing detail that I am distracted.
That there are 26 definitions of orgasm? And so, to the second most important reason why women have sex — love. And what is love? Love is apparently a form of "long-term commitment insurance" that ensures your mate is less likely to leave you, should your legs fall off or your ovaries fall out. Take that, Danielle Steele — you may think you live in but your genes are still in the stone age, with only chest hair between you and a bloody death.
We also get data which confirms that, due to the chemicals your brain produces — dopamine, norepinephrine and phenylethylamine — you are, when you are in love, technically what I have always suspected you to be — mad as Stalin.
And is the world mad? What percentage of women in north London are in love, they know not. But not as many men are in love. And then there is sex as man-theft. So how do we liberate desirable men from other women? And how do we do that? We "compete to embody what men want" — high heels to show off our pelvises, lip-gloss to make men think about vaginas, and we see off our rivals with slander.
We spread gossip — "She's easy! She may get short-term genetic benefits but she can sing all night for the resource benefits, like a cat sitting out in the rain. We also use sex to "mate guard". I love this phrase. It is so evocative an image — I can see a man in a cage, and a woman with a spear and a bottle of baby oil.
Women regularly have sex with their mates to stop them seeking it elsewhere. Mate guarding is closely related to "a sense of duty", a popular reason for sex, best expressed by the Meston and Buss interviewee who says: I grunt once in a while so he knows I'm awake, and then I tell him how great it was when it's over.
We are happily married. Women often mate guard by flaunting healthy sexual relationships. Fans interpreted it as a competitive dig at Romo's previous mate, who is a vegetarian. Meston and Buss also explain why the girls in my class at school went down like dominoes in One week we were maidens, the following week, we were not. We were, apparently, having sex to see if we liked it, so we could tell other schoolgirls that we had done it and to practise sexual techniques: Another interviewee wanted to practise for her wedding night.
The authors lubricate this with a description of the male genitalia, again food themed. I include it because I am immature. Ever had sex out of pity and wondered why? Pause for more amazing detail: Women also mate to get the things they think they want — drugs, handbags, jobs, drugs. Sex economics plays out even in regular relationships.
Women have sex so that the guy would mow the lawn or take out the garbage. You exchange sex for dinner. Then there is sex to feel better. Women use sex to cure their migraines.
This is explained by the release of endormorphins during sex — they are a pain reliever. Sex can even help relieve period pains. Why are periods called periods? Please, someone tell me. Women also have sex because they are raped, coerced or lied to, although we have defences against deception — men will often copulate on the first date, women on the third, so they will know it is love madness.
Some use sex to tell their partner they don't want them any more — by sleeping with somebody else. Some use it to feel desirable; some to get a new car. There are very few things we will not use sex for.
As Meston says, "Women can use sex at every stage of the relationship. And there you have it — most of the reasons why women have sex, although, as Meston says, "There are probably a few more.
Before I read this book I watched women eating men in ignorance. Now, when I look at them, I can hear David Attenborough talking in my head: The smaller female has been ostracised by her rival's machinations, and slinks away. I am not sure if I feel empowered or dismayed. I thought that my lover adored me.
No — it is because I have a symmetrical face. I am really just a monkey trying to survive. I close the book.
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